#26 - The May Newsletter: Career Expectations Vs. Reality
I'm a photographer now. Growing up, I never imagined this would be my path. And I also don't know where my path forward will take me.
Hello hello, it’s been a while, my Substack community. When I decided to take a short pause on my Substack a month ago, I wasn’t expecting to be back until the 1st of June. However, life has continued to surprise me and I’ve managed to rest a fair bit this past month, bringing me back here.
As I feel my creative spirits replenish, I find my writing voice journey its familiar path from my heart.
But before we begin…
Several admin notes to get out of the way:
If you’re new to my Substack, it’s so good to see you here! If you’d like to learn a little bit more about this Indian girl brought up in South Central Africa, Malawi, learn more about me.
A month ago, I decided to experiment with shorter posts called my Monday Manifestations for 6 months. In my time away, I’ve decided from here on to post these on my Substack notes instead. I hope these manifestations resonate for you as I continue my journey inward this 2024.
And now… Let’s talk career.
I started my ‘career’ when I was 23 years old. It’s nostalgic for me to reflect on that time; the naivety of a girl in her early twenties and how sure she was going to make the ‘corporate career’ - however you may define it - work for her.
I lasted a year.
Nature-loving, confused-about-life, feminist Athira at 23 made it a year - just barely - before burnout hit, alongside a myriad of questions about life and career. Mostly about life, looking back. About 8 months into my job, I noticed the unease filling within the heart - the body and intuition do know before the mind comes to acceptance.
This is when I decided to go and seek out a therapist, and it was my learnings here that allowed me to begin my journey to self-discovery.
I still don’t know where the leap of faith came from, but I took it anyways. In my old job I’d been experimenting with food photography as a part of my role, and I started taking online courses and watching YouTube videos to see if I could make it work as a full-time career.
If nothing at all, I was determined. I now admire the courage of my younger self when she decided she was going to try out something new; whilst I’d enjoyed photography as a hobby in my teens I certainly didn’t have the skillset to make it work as a career in the long run.
Fast forward to 6 years later with a lot of learning under my wings, I’m currently on sabbatical from commercial food photography. 6 years of doing the same thing is a long time, despite having the opportunity to work with different clients. And 2024 was my year to come back home to myself and rejuvenate my creative spirit, in which I’ve noticed my recent decision to leave Dubai has helped tremendously.
I thrive in spaces of nature. Do you?
It is within the spaces of nature in Malawi that I have been able to just be with myself and really allow myself to dream.
I’m allowing myself to dream and manifest all that I desire so that I can live life wholeheartedly.
From food photography there’s been a shift toward landscape photography - my true love and passion. In this space I’ve been fortunate for the several exhibitions that have occurred, showcasing the gorgeous panoramas of Malawi. And now there’s a dream to publish a book, showcasing more about the country I grew up in through my lens.
April 2024: this is my current standing. In this space, I have questions and reflections for myself.
1. What were my expectations of my career when I first started out?
In a nutshell, I was going to climb the corporate ladder.
It didn’t matter what my mental health looked like. It didn’t matter that I was working overtime (and not getting paid for it). It didn’t matter that my prior boss started to yell at me, disrespect my time and undervalue my skills.
None of it mattered.
I would make it work. I would push myself, allow my people-pleasing and perfection to take up more space to build that career. I wanted to be a boss, I wanted to lead (two entirely different things I’ve realised), and I wanted the glitz and the glam of what is shown in movies of a corporate career.
Oh you naive girl.
I thought it would be enough that if I put in the work the shine would come through.
I never even paused to ask myself if it was my own dream or my parents’ dream for me.
Until my therapist asked me.
And kept asking me even after I quit my job.
My expectations were naive. Looking back, none of it was what I wanted for myself. I thought I did because it would impress other people, but sitting here all these years later, I no longer want to impress people.
I want to be able to enjoy what I do. I want to be able to wake up with enthusiasm and zest for the day. I deserve that much.
2. What did I learn during my time with commercial food photography?
It wasn’t an easy start, but is starting your own business ever easy?
I was desperate to prove myself - although that desperation translated to working hard to learn new skills. I still worked overtime, and fell into habits of perfection and people-pleasing.
But in the 6 years building my career and thanks to therapy, I learnt what a career for myself could look like:
I learnt to say no to clients I didn’t want to work with.
I learnt to value my photography and charge clients accordingly.
I gave myself holidays - I didn’t have a boss who was going to tell me to take time off.
I slowed down, became kinder to myself, and stepped away from perfection. Letting go of that perfect photo allowed my photography to grow.
While this may sound like an ideal pathway to taking charge of your life, that isn’t the intention. For anyone who knows what growth looks like, there’s a constant ebb and flow.
Not to mention, the learnings aren’t over yet.
I still have so many to come my way.
In 2024 alone, so much has shifted. Up until last year, I really thought food photography was my calling. However I’m on sabbatical for a year now to allow me to explore what else might be there.
I’m making room for the new.
3. So how do I define career and success now?
There are two things I want to address here:
I am more than my career.
Success and career are two different things.
You could have a successful career but be miserable. Or you could have a successful life that may not include heights of professional attainment, and be at peace in life.
Or you may have both.
This is a choice for you, and you alone.
It is not up to society, your family, or your friends to make that choice.
Just you.
And it’s scary! Making choices to build the life you want involves taking responsibility and charge of your own life.
Sooner or later you realise this: Your happiness is in your own hands. The responsibility of leading your life is challenging, but also so rewarding.
I want my career to be in the multitudes and novelty of learnings. I want to try out new things and fail. And things will fail. Not everything I try out is going to be a ‘typical success’ - making money or gaining widespread publicity for example.
But at least I’ll have tried.
It is here I can say I’ve lived. It is here that I can say I’ve had a successful life. In the lessons that life has taught me, in the ebb and flow of emotions, in the relationships I’ll cultivate - the ones that will stay and the ones that will fade.
And I’ll be damned if I live life less than I deserve.
Like I said, I am more than my career. But I won’t let that stop me from the learning coming my way, and the experimenting and risks that will allow for my very being to flourish.
With lots of love and sunshine,
Athira
If you liked this, you may also enjoy my other pieces:
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Beautiful reflection and much needed wisdom.
"Success and career are two different things."
Thanks for sharing! 🙌🏽
Hello photographer friend! I love this! Had this shift six years ago and realised rather than a successful career I just want a successful life and the two are not the same, but capitalism makes us believe they are. Love this for you ❤️