Dear Dubai,
A friend asked me yesterday, what am I doing to say goodbye to you? There was this moment on the call when I realised that I actually hadn’t done anything - partly living in denial and partly the desperate need to leave - so I’m doing what I do best; I’m writing a letter to say goodbye.
There’s been heartache in the realisation that I am leaving.
It’s actually and finally ending.
We’ve always had a distant connection Dubai - and that’s not on you. It’s just that I want different things; I always have. You’ve seen me compromise and adjust these last 10 years, but I don’t think it’s fair to you anymore. Let alone fair to me. This sounds like a breakup letter; I know. But it’s honestly just me telling you that things have changed.
Yet, there is grief here, Dubai.
Because whilst I can acknowledge that I do need to move away, you were the place I was able to make several meaningful connections. My closest friend resides here, as well as my family; both adopted and literal. I attended university, had my first job, started therapy, ventured out in my photography career, got my first car; all with you.
And you ask, ‘Why am I leaving?’
With all the beginnings I’ve had, you know that there have been heartbreaking endings too.
I was telling a friend yesterday, it feels like the apartment that I’ve been living at has been carrying the stress of the last 10 years. And I go back to, “If these walls could talk…”.
They have seen a lot of joy, but they’ve also seen a lot of tears.
Is that a good enough reason to leave? Am I running away?
Honestly, I’m looking for a change and I believe I deserve to start anew.
So whilst my adventure in Dubai has ended and there’s grief in moving on, I know you’ll understand.
You’ll always have a special place in my heart, because you’re where I grew into adulthood. I first experienced the independence that allowed me to - over the course of my time here - grow into the person that I am today.
And I know for as long as my friends and family are here, I will come back and visit.
So this isn’t a permanent goodbye (Can it ever be?).
But this is a ‘See you later’, as well as me closing a chapter to allow for a new one to begin.
I’m sure I will see you soon. :)
With all my love,
Athira
I’ve lived in Dubai for 10 years, having moved away to do my Master’s in New Zealand back in 2016. At that time when I left I remember thinking, “I’m never coming back.”
My reasons were similar.
I wanted to be able to be surrounded by an abundance of nature and create more meaningful connections.
I wanted to be able to experience seasons and a quieter life, and wake up to birds and crickets.
Oh Malawi, how you have spoilt me.
(Morning sounds in my garden back home).
I did come back a year later, both for the comfort of my family and friends and because New Zealand didn’t suit me at the time. What can I say? I’m pretty solar-powered, and the country was very cold.
I’m talking freezing in multiple layers of socks cold.
When I was writing my letter, I also came to the realisation that all of my firsts that I spoke about, were items, and fewer experiences.
A car, a job, things in my apartment… These are just things. Useful things in their own way of course, but things.
They weren’t experiences.
And I think eventually, the lack of nature got to me.
It’s not to say that I haven’t had experiences here in my friendships, as well as challenging experiences that have shaped me into the person I am today.
It’s just that I’m looking for more.
Is the grass greener on the other side? Totally.
I’m grateful that despite the challenges of living here, there is still softness within my heart where there could have been cynicism. I do have my therapist and my support system to thank for that.
So whilst there’s been a foundation into adulthood here, it’s time to build the pillars from here to discover more of myself.
2024, you are going to be such an adventure. I can’t wait!
If you’ve been reading some of my other posts, you’ll know that the decision to move from Dubai has been one that’s been in the works for several months now. It’s crazy to believe that it’s finally happening and I’m leaving!
Can’t help but iterate: 2024, you are going to be such an adventure.