#50 - It's Time to Start Living
Let’s face it: we’re all going to die one day. Here, I want to be intentional about the choices I make to live the life that I want to live.
To my little community here on Substack,
Post meditation, I’ve had a revelation. We all take life for granted, a little too much. That’s normal, human, and part of life.
But when we take life for granted so much that we don’t start living our truth, it becomes a problem.
It is from this space, that I am writing this piece.
I have wanted to get into fitness training for a while now. Empower women to love their bodies and movement. I have wanted to rebuild my photography, in a new city, with renewed creativity. Write more about intentional living and self-love. Write a novel that speaks to women about living a life that they deserve.
This speaks true to myself too.
I am looking to rebuild my entire life.
I realised recently that this was the major reason why I left Dubai. The life that I was leading there wasn’t working for me, and on some subconscious level I realised it. So I left.
But the problem is that patterns will follow you wherever you go. It sucks, but it’s true.
Here, there’s an acceptance and awareness that things have to change.
I don’t want to live the same life that I was living in Dubai. I was miserable there. And yes, whilst I do feel like a fraud and I’m struggling with culture shock, I can both be compassionate to myself and know that it is the choices I’m making and the actions that I take that will build the life that I want to live and love.
Compassion states I’m tired and still working through my burnout, which is true. Fear states that I shouldn’t even try because there’s an assumption that I’m going to fail. And yet as I write this piece, let’s note that I am not writing about a hustle mentality.
This is my reminder that I have a life to live and I am not doing the best job of living it. I am staying in the shadows of my own fears, and choosing to make myself smaller and smaller so that I’m basically invisible.
And one thing I have repeatedly told a friend of mine is that I don’t want to be made smaller. But what does one do when they themselves are the cause of it?
Let’s face it: we’re all going to die one day. And when I go out, I want to go out with a bang. This doesn’t mean fame or fortune. This means knowing that I have lived an absolutely beautiful life, and I have been intentional about the choices I make to live this one life I get.
To experience moments with clarity and grace.
To be present with those I love, and not be distracted by these damn machines.
To laugh at the silly things, and grieve and love, in spaces of love.
To have purpose and meaning in all that I do, when possible.
I’m going to get it wrong. I’m going to struggle. Repeatedly. But I’ll be damned if I don’t give this a better shot.
It’s time for my patterns, fears and anxious voices to take a back seat and for courage to take the wheel.
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