#25 - Pausing
I'm pausing writing on my Substack until the 1st of June to honour the space of rest my heart is asking of me.
I didn’t think I’d write this post until after the 15th of May, where I was looking forward to having two of my photography exhibitions completed, and my other deadlines accomplished as well. But as I’m sitting here and writing this, there’s a mix of feelings in my decision to pause my writing here on Substack.
There’s disappointment. Relief. Heartache. Gratitude.
(The heart’s emoitions work in strange and mysterious ways).
When I left Dubai, I meant to take a sabbatical from commercial food photography work to travel around East Asia, and just breathe. However 2024 has taken a different turn in terms of my passion for landscape photography, and this combined with my recent move and life in general has led to a state of burnout.
Following your passion takes both hard work and creativity, and just because you love what you do doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a break from it.
My passions currently lie in my photography and my writing.
I’m not able to do both at this point in time though, given how empty my cup feels.
And my dear Athira, that’s completely okay.
I promised myself I’d pause my writing once my photography projects were done and then give myself a break. My boundary with myself was that I would give myself wholehearted rest and not commit to more after the 15th of May. But I’m realising that it’s not about not committing to more.
It’s about leaning into the fluidity of boundaries.
Allow yourself to take a step back from what you thought were ‘commitments’. Some things can wait, even when you think they can’t.
Taking 2 months away from my writing feels scary. What if I don’t come back? What if this is another unfinished project? (And we all know what that feels like).
But I can’t allow for the shame of pausing to mislead me into believing my space for creativity and passions don’t deserve a break.
Shame tells me I’m failing in pausing. That I’m failing in being unable to continue my witing and that I shouldn’t ‘give up so easily’. That I shouldn’t press the ‘send to everyone now’ button and publish this piece.
Underneath my voice of shame lies fear. My fear tells me that this is a mistake and is asking me, what about all the progress that I’ve made thus far? Why can’t I just continue and do better and push myself?
To the scared and anxious voice in my mind, I reassure her that whilst this is an uncomfortable decision, this period will allow for focus in my photography and honour my need to slow down in the space of burnout.
The discomfort lies in both the old and the new.
The old patterning that says: I’ve done this before, where I’ve started something and discontinued.
And the new, where I am learning to listen and lean into the voice of intuition.
I will take this space to nurture my heart’s need to slow down and rest, and fill my cup with gratitude and self-love.
This means I’m going to pause all my writing: the 6 months I’d dedicated for my Monday Manifestations and my longer Pieces from the Heart up until the 1st of June.
I’ll see you guys then.
Until then, take care, and I’m sending you lots of warmth and sunshine.
-Athira
Journal Prompt:
What is one thing that is holding you back from giving yourself a break or wholehearted rest?
🧿🧿