#23 - A Musing on Self-Love.
I'm reflecting a little on self-love and myself at ages 25 and 35; looking to the past and the future.
I’ve spoken about self-love before here, and I wanted to take this a step further.
Daydreaming to myself, I wondered what it would like to revisit myself at 25.
I remember what I was like; so confused, unsure of herself, and terrified. I say this about my younger twenties, but as I'm looking back I'm realising that the fear of living life wholeheartedly stayed up until I was 29.
Merely a year ago.
I'd gone through a tough breakup after my 29th birthday, and I learnt a lot from that relationship including finally taking full ownership of my journey into self-love.
My ex didn’t treat me well in the relationship, and I didn’t treat myself well either. Maybe under some sense of realisation, I'd placed a lot of expectation on external love - despite knowing on a rational level that self-love was also necessary. It was in the time during my heartbreak that I came to the knowledge that I could love myself wholeheartedly and unconditionally, and it transformed the way I saw myself.
It allowed for a space of kindness and gentleness that I’d only heard about from others and didn’t know how to find in myself.
I suppose, the realisation finally dawned on me - as I had gone through yet another heartbreak - that I could bring this to myself.
That I deserved to bring it to myself.
There is more work to be done, as there always will be, but I can acknowledge the work done so far as well.
And it all feels softer within. Somehow, within the space of softness and letting go of patterns that weren't serving me, there's this innate sense of confidence.
Remember, confidence is not arrogance. Confidence is the belief in your own self. And confidence can allow you to push your own boundaries and thrive.
There are so many hashtags and comments out there that "self-love is the best love", and I'll be honest, self-love can be really hard. Particularly at the beginning, and if you’ve grown up in patterns not knowing what confidence looks like, not knowing what acceptance and love look like; it can be challenging to change those narratives and build your love within.
But as is with building a physical house, building your home internally takes time. Your foundations and pillars will take time to build and grow.
Give them the time they deserve to find their roots, and build your roots with resilience, love and honesty.
May you be so unshakeable within the forces of nature around you that the storms of life don't tear you down.
Reflecting back on 25, I had another thought pop up to me. Would 25-year old version of myself be happy with the woman I am today?
I jumped ahead 5 years. At 35, would I look back on my 30-year old self and wish for things to be different?
The past cannot be changed, and whilst my 25-year old self would be surprised - not knowing how to be proud - of who I am today, I can look towards the future. I cannot control the future, but I can build toward a better future.
Who do I hope to be at 35? Not even want or expect; but just hope?
And coming back to a question I asked myself in an earlier newsletter: What am I living for?
What needs to change for me to continue my path forward?
Change, as we all know, is inevitable in it’s own way.
These are the questions I have in my own mind, sitting here at 30, reflecting on self-love and how much has shifted internally for me.
5 years ago, I had very different expectations of what life would like at 30. I had ideas in my mind and attachment to those ideas. Gracefully and gratefully so, those ideas are waning now and I'm allowing myself to flow with change.
(Well, trying to flow at least).
There’s often a perception that life “should” be a certain way; an idea based on the external.
And just as a reminder:
You get to determine how you want to live your life - there is no age limit to doing anything you want to do within your own capacities.
Within this space, I have so many new ideas for what else life looks like.
I am grateful that I get to choose, and choose to live life wholeheartedly.
There is peace and joy here.
With lots of love and sunshine,
Athira
Journal Prompt:
What needs to change for you to move forward in life?
Is there anything holding you back from living life the way you want to?
Reads I enjoyed this week:
is someone I first found on Instagram before I discovered her writing on Substack. This piece that I read reminded me of the very fact that change is inevitable and flowing with those changes are more authentic versus resisting and holding onto the past.A snippet I’m recalling from her piece:
“Sometimes it’s ok to leave things in the past. We need to learn to embrace the shifts and changes in our lives as they naturally occur.”
A snippet I enjoyed:
“When you are not engaging with someone else’s life via an app, you start observing that your values, circumstances and priorities are unique. So you discover yourself instead of wanting to be someone else.”
I recently subscribed to
‘s writings and this was his first post I read thereafter; it was so brilliantly written and thought-provoking, allowing me to reframe what I thought resting and slowing down looked like - realising the difference - as well as taking a closer look at mindfulness and my journey with the same.I am so grateful to be surrounded by writers that have made me think. ✨
Coming across your newsletter was perfect timed by the universe. Thank you for writing this heartfelt post — it really resonates with me.
'....if you’ve grown up in patterns not knowing what confidence looks like, not knowing what acceptance and love look like; it can be challenging to change those narratives and build your love within.'
This post resonated with me, Athira. Things like self-love and self-confidence didn't come naturally to me when I was younger. For quite some time now I've been in the process of building such qualities within myself.
It's really hard and challenging, but I am gradually improving.