#11 - The Icing on the cake was a flight delay
As I sat and let go of my anxious thoughts, I recorded a voice note to myself to self-soothe.
This piece isn’t in the form of a voice recording, but I have converted the piece into a letter.
The night before I was travelling to Mauritius for my birthday my flight got massively delayed, and my mind completely spiralled.
My flight delay was the icing to a long week, a long month even.
And this piece, is what I told myself.
On a side note, would you also like to see me put together voice recordings and include them in the post?
Hey Athira,
Boy, it’s been a long day, hasn’t it? It’s been a long month. It’s been super emotional today.
So here I am, sitting with you, sitting and holding your heart with a little bit of tenderness.
I’m sorry that today was so hard. I know there’s a lot weighing on your mind.
So what’s really the problem?
It’s not that the flight is delayed. Or that you don’t know whether or not you want to walk down the path of motherhood. That is not the problem here.
The problem is that you feel alone in all of this. That you feel isolated. And that is hard. You’ve been dealing with so much of your life on your own, it’s no wonder that you’re feeling dejected and tired.
I see you sitting and crying on the sofa. Just so… fed up.
I see you sitting and crying on the edge of your bed, just the heaviness of the heartache of being so alone. And how… Isolating - for a lack of better word - it is.
I’m so sorry that it’s so hard.
And I hate to the bearer of bad news, but you and I both know that it’s not going to get easier.
It’s just not.
The key to living life wholeheartedly, to be able to be as connected as you are to yourself, involves a part of you needing to walk this path alone.
It feels dark.
It feels scary.
It feels isolating.
Clearly, ‘isolated’ is the word of the month.
But… Your heart is full of fire.
And that fire will be the light in the darkness.
Today your fight got delayed, and that caused you to spiral in so many ways. What if we could see life’s challenges as an adventure? What if we could let go of our old reactions, our old patterns, all of it, and just see it as:
“This is hard. This sucks. I’m going to sit in the mud - if I need to, with the emotions that come up - and then I’m going to dust myself off when I feel ready to, and look at this as an adventure.”
2024 is going to be an adventure.
It’s going to have so many moments like this. You know it, woman.
You know it.
Flights are going to get delayed, bags are going to get lost. You’re going to get lost and find ways back to yourself again. Life is just going to get tough, right?
And that’s not new for you. You know you can thrive on life’s challenges.
You’re pushing yourself out of your comfort zone in so many ways. And I have enormous admiration and respect for you. You would not have chosen to move out of Dubai 6 months ago or even last year. And look at you now!
It’s okay that you got frustrated today.
It’s okay that you broke, and crashed, and just felt like you were burning.
It’s okay that you felt all the emotions that you felt.
But here’s your reminder.
That your emotions are not you.
They are not a part of your identity.
They are temporary.
So while you’re feeling your emotions next time, I hope that you don’t sink. Not because there’s anything wrong with sinking, but because at some point in time we have to learn to float. It’s a learning process and one you’re slowly embracing, and I see you getting there.
So, we will learn to float. We will learn to float amongst this amazing adventure called life, and the year 2024.
…
I’m sorry that today was hard.
I’m sorry that November has been hard.
Take all the time you need. To grieve and to sit with the difficult emotions that are there.
But baby girl, dust yourself off.
You have so much to look forward to. And bumps on the road are adventures to look forward to and laugh back on.
I love you in so many ways.
This will pass.
With lots of love and sunshine,
Athira