#9 - A Letter to my 5-year old self
My 5-year old self is awesome, worthy of love, and it's been so great to reconnect with her.
Hello, my wide-eyed, naive little girl. I've been thinking a lot about you.
I'm 29 years old, and life since we last spoke has been... A rollercoaster. It's been a trip with both exotic and unpleasant locations. Such is life in all of its highs and lows, the ebbs and flows.
I can't help but look back at you baby girl, with your toothy grin and ever-so-carefree attitude. Gosh, you were just so sweet.
I honestly just wish I could hug you right now for the journey about to come your way.
I know we hated our mushroom cut and we wanted long hair. I know we were terrified of our Dad, not for any reason but the fact that he was intimidating. I know we also hated the fact that we were so skinny (mostly because our family didn't love us for who we were).
Believe me when I say that I know it didn't feel okay, but it is okay.
It turns out okay.
Because when I was 23, I decided to go into therapy…
And I'm suddenly realising you won't understand any of this...
You know what? I'm jumping ahead too many steps.
You just need to know one thing.
When no one else could accept and love you for who you are, here I am, accepting and loving you wholeheartedly.
It's okay that you were skinny.
It's okay you didn't like eating food.
It's okay that you were shy and scared to talk to people. I know you were terrified of saying the wrong thing, and of making mistakes.
But I'm here now.
I'm showing up for you now.
You get to eat whatever damn thing you want and you get to not eat if you don't want to. I'm focusing on repairing my relationship with my body so that I can treat you and all of our ages of ourselves with love, tenderness and compassion.
I want to spoil you, and take care of you, and nurture you, wholly and completely.
I'm here now. It's painful I know; I can see the pain... But I'm here now.
And I won't leave you.
I won't let you be fooled into thinking you need to receive love outside of yourself.
I've got you baby girl. 🍃❤️
It's you and me against the world and we'll come out victorious.
With lots of love and sunshine,
Athira