#7 - I'm judging myself for waking up on the wrong side of bed.
Talking about treating myself with kindness even when I'm grumpy.
How do you treat yourself when you’re grumpy?
I’ve been having a really off morning. The kind of morning where everything sucks, the world sucks, I slept and woke up on the wrong side of bed, and even though the sky is blue it looks black to me.
Yeah. That kind of morning.
It was one of those mornings where I was battling the internal judgement of being grumpy - especially after floating on a high note for the last several days - and trying to sit with the discomfort of just being irritable and grumpy.
For those of you who know me well, you’re probably thinking “Athira is hungry”; food fuels my mood and when I’m hungry I get pretty cranky.
I know that the word '“cranky” is often used when describing a child, and I remember 5-year old me really didn’t want to eat anything, so this isn’t an inner child conundrum.
As I was sitting and attempting to journal out my thoughts as well as sit with the discomfort of these feelings, at the end of my entry was I told myself: ‘Make sure you hydrate yourself, continue your skincare and just treat yourself with as much kindness as possible.’
And that’s when it hit me. It was this moment where everything zoomed into the word “kindness”, and I realised I wasn’t being kind to myself.
I was trying to fix my feelings. I was judging them, thinking that they were wrong.
Because a grumpy woman:
Does not deserve kindness.
Has to shift her mood into grace and calm, adopt a face of tranquillity even.
Is not allowed to feel her feelings.
As irrational as the feelings are.
I don’t know what it is about this morning that has me feeling so, but I think beating myself up trying to figure out why, and also beating myself up for being grumpy in the first place, isn’t actually helping.
Knowing the reason for your feelings is not a way to amount to the validity of your feelings. Your feelings are valid, no matter how irrational they may seem.
We’re always looking for a reason to know how much we’re allowed to feel our feelings. Pre-period? Of course we’re irritable.
Just waking up on the wrong side of bed and not knowing why we’re in an off mood? Let’s fix that. We’re not allowed to feel our feelings unless there’s a rational reason or explanation.
I’m sitting here and laughing at myself, as I look out my window and see in fact that the sky is blue and not black.
So, whilst I get through this morning my dear reader, I hope you treat yourself extra kindly today. I’m going to make sure I hydrate myself and give myself a hug today and get through the day.
Sending loads of love and a ton of sunshine to myself, and to you.
-Athira
Nice to read 🥰🥰🥰