#21 - Chapters in Relationships
Drawing from personal experience I'm reflecting on drifting friendships and navigating peace in this arena.
I've got a friend who I haven't spoken to in a while. We were constant friends in school and when we left to our respective universities we maintained contact, but over the last two years or so I’ve noticed a very distinct drift in our friendship.
It took me a while to recognise that it wasn't the friendship that drifted, but that she had so much on her plate she couldn't cope up. I’m grateful she spoke to me about that too. I believe her last several years have been challenging and she’s been really struggling.
I'm currently lying on the couch on a hot summer's day in Malawi; the heat is pretty unbearable, let me be honest. The fan above me is whirring quickly, but it just feels like all it's doing is blowing hot air around. Although some air is a reprieve than none at all.
As I was lazing on the couch and thinking about this friend of mine, I let my mind bounce gently from thought to thought - just wondering how she's doing, where she is, what she’s been up to, thinking about if she’s in touch with anyone else I know, and so on. We haven't spoken in a really long time, and the last time I checked in on her - I reach out once every couple of months; part concern, part the hope that we'll reconnect because we were such good friends - she sent across a thoughtful message before retreating inward to her shell (or what I believe is such).
I've gotten used to these messages; distant messages that seem to want to get closer but almost seem afraid to. I wonder what she's thinking as she's writing; I don't sense animosity or anything of the sort - although I do get the impression that she wants to leave her old life where her other friends and I were there, all behind.
From the little she told me I knew things were tough her end. I don’t know if life is (I am hoping she’s in a better place), but even as I say that, I know that there's so much I don't know.
How much do we really know about someone else anyway?
As I’m watching the fan, feeling the heat on my skin, I had this thought: What would it be like if we happened to accidentally bump into each other?
Have you ever been in a scenario where your mind wanders and just creates its own stories, weaving and wandering in its own landscapes of the mind?
In my story, these are the thoughts that floated through my mind:
Would we reconnect? Would she walk by me, and not acknowledge me? We haven’t seen each other in years and we've changed so much recently, plus there's been such little communication; would we even recognise each other?
Would it be a quick conversation, where I'd see her eyes and smile light up her face as they always did, before I could see her spirit go back inward - just given all that she’s been through. Would we decide that we want to catch up over coffee?
Or would we suddenly laugh and have tears in our eyes, rushing to hug each other like we used to, picking up right from where we’d left off.
Clearly, I have so many questions. And the truth is:
I may never know the answers.
I may never even run into her ‘by accident.’
There could be a scenario unaccounted for that could occur.
And yet, in its own way - without sadness and without regret - I truly believe that this is a part of life.
Some friendships and relationships last a few seasons or stay a couple of chapters, but not all of them are permanent.
And I've made peace with that.
I’d be lying if I said that I don’t hope for the best for our prior friendship, also acknowledging that I don’t know what that currently could even looks like. But the friend in me thinks of our friendship with fond memories and can’t help but hope that she’s at peace.
As Richard tells Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat Pray Love:
Send him some light and love every time you think of him,
Then let him go.
This can truly apply for anyone in your life you reminisce about. This is also the affirmation I’m giving myself for those who I remember, but know were just meant to be chapters in my life. In both my positive and negative experiences. Although one may argue that’s a black and white thought process, and every experience is only how you perceive it.
Life is too short for regrets. And truly, regrets take away the space and focus from your present moment, where you could be missing something or someone right in front of you.
With lots of love and sunshine,
Athira
A journal prompt:
Who is someone you’re reminiscing about but can’t necessarily get in touch with?
Consider writing a letter to them; it’s not about sending it, but giving yourself the space to honour all that you’re feeling. This could be an opportunity for you to let go of anything that’s holding you back from currently living life in the moment.
Reads I enjoyed this week:
writes a poignant and thought-provoking read that made me just want to slow down and savour the piece like your favourite slice of chocolate cake.A snippet I enjoyed from her piece:
“It’s also about living in the moment. Using your favourite mug whilst wearing an outfit that makes your soul shine, just because - rather than saving it for a special occasion. Every day should be a special occasion - even on those darker days.”
A snippet I enjoyed from his piece:
“Consider this: if there is always content going into your mind, then where is the room for you to exist?”
How important of a question that feels.
is probably going to become one of my favourite writers on Substack. She’s got such a poetic way of writing it feels like a feather-touch to the heart. You should go ahead and read her poem; there’s no snippet on this one that I can share without spoiling it. :)
Oh Athira! Thank you so much for this kindness!!! ❤️