#14 - Reflecting on a year of self-love.
Through heartbreak, slow moments and travel, I got to reconnect to myself and love myself more.
It is in the spaces of nature that I find my self-love grow.
I’m currently in Wayanad in Kerala, India, where I am surrounded by an abundance of nature. An abundance unlike any other place I’ve been at recently. Through every corner of my eyesight all I can see are trees, and through the day I can hear birds chirping away and crickets dancing along.
I feel like I’m in the heart of nature.
It is a space where my heart feels like she can rest, and is at peace.
There is no doubt that the self-love journey is an arduous one.
At least for me, it’s definitely been a challenge. But it was this year that I really learnt what self-love looked like for me.
Even through the turmoil of my heart making hard decisions, I knew that it was aligning with who I want to be.
I chose myself, over and over again. There is gratitude here in no longer compromising on my values and what I want out of life.
I set boundaries, and either removed or distanced myself from people who weren’t aligning with my growth, or who were barricades to my healing.
I realised the biggest block in my life was me, and I removed myself out of my own path. I’ve begun to see how my fears were getting in the way of my journey, and I’m learning to let go of them.
I’m learning to walk this path alone. Interestingly in this space, I’m actually realising that this path is not that scary, and I’m not all that alone.
In this moment, I remember an excerpt from Brene Brown’s book ‘Braving the Wilderness’:
“I’ve discovered something beautiful; the loneliest steps are the ones between the city walls and the heart of the wilderness, where safety is in the rearview mirror, new territory remains to be seen, and the path out to the unknown seems empty. But put one foot in front of the other enough times, stay the course long enough to actually tunnel into the wilderness, and you’ll be shocked how many people already live out there - thriving, dancing, creating, celebrating, belonging.
It is not a barren wasteland.
It is not unprotected territory.
It is not void of human flourishing.
The wilderness is where all the creatives and prophets and system-buckers and risk-takers have always lived, and it is stunningly vibrant. The walk out there is hard, but the authenticity out there is life.”
Pausing to reflect:
- What have been some of the biggest challenges for you this year?
- How have you overcome these and taken care of yourself?
- Has it been hard to take care of yourself? Take some gentle reminders to ease the aching heart.
Every year has had it’s own challenges.
This year felt especially tough though.
It was the first time I stopped chasing and allowed myself to surrender to life. And it was incredibly hard. I wanted to chase; I wanted to go after things and people I thought were for me. And there were tears and moments of frustration when it wasn’t working out as I’d hoped.
There was also the realisation that I just couldn’t do it anymore.
I no longer can chase after a life that isn’t meant for me.
Whilst I acknowledge that it takes effort to maintain relationships and the experiences I want out of life, it also takes effort to pour love into myself. And I get to choose where I want to put in my effort.
So do you.
I can’t help but reflect back on the year. Recently, a friend and I contemplated on the year, focusing on the moments of joy and how we would describe each month in one word.
Here are my ‘words of the month’.
Have you considered what you would label certain months of the year?
If you’re new to the self-love journey and you’re curious for what that would look like, here are some ideas that may help you get started.
What is something you’d like to do just for yourself? Maybe it looks like restarting an old hobby, or taking a walk without any distractions. Keep the phone away and allow yourself to reconnect to yourself.
Are you trying to please everyone? Take the baby step and start with asking yourself what it would be like to please yourself.
Are you over committing to things you don’t want to do? Say no. You’ll be surprised to see that the world will not end.
Find your community. Where does your heart feel safe, and with who does it feel the most joy with? Surround yourself with your people.
At the same time, ask yourself, do I find it hard to be on my own? If so, why?
Trust me when I say the strongest love can come from within, and I hope you can get comfortable in spending time with yourself - not by yourself - and get to know who you really are.
Starting your self-love journey is hard. You may feel guilt, shame, or anxiety - know that this is normal. Try to carve out some time for yourself and allow yourself to process the feelings as they come up. Even through the discomfort, do not despair of the unknown path in front of you.
It is in the spaces of discomfort that we grow. Trust the process.
And trust me, there is far too much light inside of you to be shunned away from the world.
Let it flourish.
May you flourish and thrive in 2024.
I look forward to seeing you in the New Year!
With lots of love, warmth and sunshine,
Athira