#13 - Taking care of the heart
I'm sharing some kindness as well as insights into what I do during moments of inner turmoil.
I was recently chatting to a friend of mine who was dealing with a heavy day, and at the end of our conversation, I asked her, what are you doing to take care of your heart?
When things get heavy, taking care of ourselves can feel challenging. We want to be able to do the best of ourselves, but in that moment it’s just an additional chore that doesn’t feel like it’s worth it.
I’ve been there. And if you’re reading this and thinking that this resonates - that taking care of yourself feels just too hard - I am so sorry.
I’m sorry that life has put you in the position that feels so overwhelming, that taking care of yourself just feels like too much.
I understand; you want to put the weight down. You want to be able to share the load, this burden, and that there may not be anyone there for you right now.
It’s so unfair that you have to deal with this on your own.
So I’m going to take a moment, and just sit with you here.
I am holding your hand and your heart with tenderness. Let us pause for a moment, shall we? If you feel like crying in this moment of despair, that’s okay.
My post can wait.
Your feelings should not have to.
And when you feel ready to listen or read on, I have a little more I’d like to say.
…
Are you pausing?
…
I’m taking a deep breath as I continue to write, and I hope that you are too.
I’ve read more than several blogs and pieces that provide suggestions such as ‘How to stop spiralling’ and ‘10 things to be more mindful about your day’, and likewise. And I’ll be honest, I’ve read these blogs on occasion, rolled my eyes and thought, ‘Yeah, that’s not my cup of tea and that’s probably not going to work.’ Both in moments of rationality and in despair.
And then the universe has come and shown me how wrong I was.
Right now, I’m sitting with you in this well of despair where the struggle to take care of yourself is real. I’ve found that far too often we find it easier to distract ourselves in the name of work, mindless scrolling or other habits that we have prey fallen to. And it’s okay. It’s okay to run away when things get heavy because sometimes that’s the best you can do.
I’m just here to tell you that whilst I understand the burden is heavy, there are things you can do to make it easier for yourself. And you can always make it back to yourself.
The responsibility of your self-love journey and taking care of yourself, is on you.
Take breaks. Cry it out if you want to. And I hope - I really hope - that you’re able to lean on a support system.
But there are a couple more things you could do that just may help. It may not help with the burden in itself, but it may give you a breather from a stressful day. It can allow yourself to take breaks from the spiralling, and build on your self-love journey.
It may help ease the weight, even if momentarily.
Because sometimes in the waves of life, isn’t that the best we can do?
Here’s what I do that I’ve found helps me when I’m struggling:
Journal
Meditate (Even for 5 minutes, focusing on breathing can be grounding).
Step outside for a walk
Stretch
Treat myself to a good meal
Grab a glass of water
Stay away from my phone and screens
Talk to a friend
Cry it out (which isn’t automatic, but does come in the pausing and sitting with the struggle).
Talk to myself in the mirror, with gentleness.
Part of my self-love journey and taking care of my heart has been in speaking to myself as I would speak to a friend. In the moments where I notice the despair, I ask myself how I would empathise with a loved one in a similar scenario, and what I would tell them. I’ve found this to be especially useful when I’m journaling, because I can re-read the words written on paper.
Something else that has taken time and learning - and admittedly can be a challenging reminder - is that whatever is happening right now is temporary.
Even when it feels like my world is sinking, I’ve - with consistency and learning - been able to make it to the point where I’m able to tell myself that whatever I’m dealing with isn’t permanent.
It’ll be the same for you. Trust yourself.
Things will get better.
My learnings in therapy have been essential tools to help me self-soothe difficult days. You can read more here.
It wasn’t easy to get here though, that’s for sure. There is no easy pathway when it comes to self-love.
Looking back at how far I’ve come from my struggles in life, as well as looking back at my journal entries reminds me of the lack of permanence in the problem.
I hope, that you’re able to see that too.
I hope, that you’re able to love yourself the way you deserve to be loved. Wholeheartedly. No conditions. With full acceptance.
And I hope that if you’re struggling that you can see the light within you.
Your heart’s fire is much too bright to be dim, and you deserve to shine.
With lots of love, hugs and sunshine,
Athira
What do you like to do when you’re struggling? What methods have you found useful in your self-love journey? I’d love to know more; feel free to share some insights in the comments section below.